Holly’s Salvation Testimony

“For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom He predestined He also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom he justified He also glorified.” – Romans 8:29-30

My parents had very traumatic childhoods and since they never received the help they needed early on, the same pattern of sin continued to reveal itself in my family in the most severe and destructive ways. We were part of the Roman Catholic church but none of us had any true knowledge of God. We were all hopelessly lost and at the mercy of the devil.

“Remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world.” – Ephesians 2:12 ESV

“…For they have been held captive by [the devil] to do whatever he wants.” – 2 Timothy 2:26 ESV

However, from a very early age – 5 years old, maybe younger – I had a desire to know who God was – I felt drawn to Him. When I was 8, I remember asking my parents for a Bible for Christmas. I didn’t want anything else – no toys, no clothes – nothing but that Bible. I remember my excitement when I unwrapped that gift! It was a red catholic bible, with a picture of the pope on the inside cover. I took that bible in my hands as if it were the most precious thing in all the world. I smelled the pages; I ran my finger over the words – but I could not understand what the words meant.

“They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart.” – Ephesians 4:18 ESV

At the age of 11, I arrived at a turning point in my life.  I began studying under two nuns at our Catholic church, whom I questioned relentlessly about Jesus. I’m pretty sure they had not run into any kid like me before. My little heart was yearning desperately for answers. I was so filled with curiosity about the 12-foot statue of a crucified man at the front of our church. Why was He hanging there? What had He done to be crucified? Was He dead like all the other statues of saints we had surrounding the sanctuary? I HAD to have answers. But they didn’t seem overly concerned about teaching me anything about Him at all. They continued to try and teach me prayers – prayers to the saints; prayers to the priest; prayers to Mary – and I continued to try and get them to tell me who Jesus is. My insistence to be taught about Jesus proved to be too cheeky for them and I was literally dragged out of my chair and down the hall to the entrance of the parish where a large statue of Mary awaited. The Nun sternly commanded me, “Bow to the blessed virgin and ask forgiveness!” I said, “But, I didn’t do anything wrong. I just want to know who Jesus is.” She commanded me again, “Bow to the blessed virgin!” I said, “No. I won’t bow!” She forcefully tried to push me to my knees and my resistance to that got me excommunicated from the Catholic church. They put me out on the steps and called my mother to pick me up.

Because of the Catholic church’s inability to lead me to the cross, I rebelled and turned the absolute opposite direction – to the Occult. The four years that followed were the deepest darkness of my life. The bondage I was in, the absolute hopelessness of darkness, and the constant terror from demonic spirits consumed my life. I lived in a continual state of fear, tormented by the demons I thought I had power over.

“Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret.” – Ephesians 5:11-12 NLT

Let me offer an extreme word of warning about the occult. You may think it’s all fun and games until you meet your opponent. He is craftier and crueler than you can ever possibly imagine. He will allow you to think you have power of the dark world to do whatever you wish for a time, but before you know it, you will find it is he who has the power over you. It is not a joke. It is not like some silly horror movie or Harry Potter story. It is real and the torment you will experience at his hand is unimaginable. Am I trying to scare you? Yes. You should be afraid. You are no match for him on your own.

“…that enemy of yours, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion [fiercely hungry], seeking someone to devour.” – 1 Peter 5:8 AMP

At the age of 15, the Lord chose to put a stop to my rebellion and extend His mercy toward me. In my mother’s desperation over my pending destructive choices, she invited a pastor over to our home to speak with me. I found his presence rather amusing – that is, until he began to pray. He was speaking to Jesus like He was a real person – alive and present. My curiosity was reborn. Did someone really know who this Jesus is?

Around this same time, my cousins and I went to buy fish tackle. As we were speaking with the elderly gentleman in his backyard, his wife came out to join us. I was captivated by the bright light shining from her face, which no one seemed to notice but me. Was I just seeing things? What was happening here? She was also bubbling with joy, which I had also never seen before. I was deeply intrigued. She looked at me as if she had been waiting for me to arrive and she invited me into her home. As I sit and spoke with this woman, I found myself opening up to her – which was something I did not do at that time. Sin and wickedness had shackled my soul and with every movement of those chains, hatred and distrust seethed.

Ever since the pastor came into our home and I heard him pray to Jesus, I began to be troubled over the decisions I had been making; and now, I was very confused. So, as my stone wall began to crack, I told all that was in my heart to that dear lady. Believe me when I say it would have been hard for anyone to hear what was in my dark heart. But instead of being repulsed or angered, she looked at me with such love – a love that I had NEVER known before and I began to weep. She reached across the table and took my hand in hers and said, “If you really want to know what to do, go home and before you go to bed tonight, you pray and ask the Lord Jesus to help you and He will.” There was that name again – Jesus. JESUS. It sounded like a song on her lips; like the most beautiful word I had ever heard. Was it really true that I could speak to Him? Even more, would He help me after everything I had done? But I began to feel that irresistible pull towards Him once again, like when I was a child. He was calling to me. I could hardly wait for night to fall.

That night, I prayed for the first time in my life. I awkwardly stumbled through a prayer and went to sleep. When I awoke the next morning, I felt peace for the first time in my life. I was so excited that I immediately ceased being involved in all the wicked relationships and evil things I had been a part of. God was working in me, revealing Jesus. I hardly could contain myself.

I began paying regular after-school visits to the pastor who came to my home. For the next 2 weeks – every day -I walked a mile from school to the church to lay my questions before him – and to my surprise, he had answers! He patiently took me through the scriptures, showing me who this Christ was and is. He explained to me what sin was and that it was against God. I felt sorrow in my heart as the weight of it hit me. He warned me that to become a disciple of Christ was not something to be flippantly decided. It was a life-long commitment and one that was sure to involve suffering for His name.

“Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight…” – Psalm 51:3

“Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.” – Luke 14:25-33 ESV

I expressed faith to believe on Christ and desired to follow Him with all my heart – so we both knelt on that dirty floor of the pastorate as he guided me in prayer. I repented of my wickedness, renounced the hidden things of darkness, and received the Light of Life. My dirty soul became clean. I became a new creation in Christ Jesus – justified by the faith He gifted to me. The old was gone – the new had come!

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT

“to open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.’” – Acts 26:18 ESV

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” – 1 Peter 2:9 ESV

Coming out of the church that day, everything looked like it was in Techno-color – hi-definition. The air was crisp and clean and all creation seemed alive and rejoiced with me! I was absolutely overwhelmed with an indescribable joy. I felt SO clean. SO ABSOLUTELY FREE! I literally felt like dancing down the street! I had been so transformed by God’s power that my own mother did not recognize me –I was no more darkness, but light in the Lord.

“For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light.” Ephesians 5:8 ESV

Upon my conversion, I had an insatiable desire to pray and read the scriptures. I read the entire New Testament the first week I was born again and carried my Bible with me everywhere I went. I burned all the items from my occult days and dedicated my life to the worship and glory of God. Many days and nights were spent on my face before the Lord. It was like a starving man finally set before food; I could not get enough time with Jesus. I absolutely did not ever want to leave His presence. He meant more to me than life itself. I had found the one whom my soul desired.

“Your words were found, and I ate them, and Your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by Your Name, O Lord, God of hosts.” – Jeremiah 15:16 ESV

“As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.” – Psalm 42:1 ESV

“How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD of hosts! My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God.”- Psalm 84:1-2 ESV

I told everyone that I knew of what the Lord had done for me and when I ran out of people to tell, I would go out to the pastures and testify to the cows! I just could not contain the magnitude of God’s mercy and love to me.

“[Jesus said to him] ‘Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.’ And he went away and began to proclaim in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him, and everyone marveled.” – Mark 5:19-20 ESV

Even though in the years to follow I would find myself involved in the Word of Faith movement, all those years of immersing myself in the scriptures and constant prayer and praise to God, kept me continually questioning what I was being taught and protected me from ultimate deception. By His mercy, the Lord brought me out of that movement in 2009 and transformed my life and doctrine, causing me to be firmly grounded in what I knew and believed.

“But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.” – Hebrews 5:14 ESV

In my 40 years of following the Lord, and being in various kinds of churches and denominations, I have come to embrace the following distinctives:

• Although I am not opposed to denominations, the over-emphasis of doctrinal differences that have led to division in the Body of Christ, have given me a true pause for concern. When a denomination states that they cannot fellowship with you unless you become a signed member of a particular denomination, that is not only hypocritical, but pharisaical as well.
  • I am neither a Calvinist nor an Armenian. I hold to the Biblical teaching of God’s sovereignty and man’s responsibility.
• I most closely associate with those who believe that the gifts of the Holy Spirit are still in operation today. I believe that the Word of God instructs exactly how those gifts are to appear and operate and we are to earnestly desire to walk in them.
• I believe that worship is to be intellectual, spiritual, and inspirational. If we are to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength – then I believe that is how we are to worship. I believe that worship should reflect a variety of emotions and demonstrations (i.e. solemn, lively, repentant, jubilant; hands raised, clapping, lying prostrate, dancing).
• I believe that people can and do get saved in altar calls. I firmly believe in making a public declaration of your faith and giving testimony before the body of believers.
• I believe that God still heals and delivers and that we are to trust that He will do so – however that plays out.
• I firmly believe in the imminent return of Jesus Christ. I choose not to be adamant on how that will happen as I can see a couple of plausible ideas that seem to be scripturally accurate. Therefore, I choose to live in a way that is expectant that our Lord could come at any day and at any hour.
• I do not believe the following:
  • “Positive confession” or “manifesting” what I want. This is New Age and akin to Witchcraft.
  • Human prophecy that abandons the Scriptures. The Spirit of God will never contradict Himself.
  • The incorporation of humanistic and secular psychology into Biblical teaching. The Word of God needs no additives to make it palatable to our generation.
  • The over-emphasis of spiritual gifts, and signs and wonders to the exclusion of Biblical teaching. No “grave-soaking”; “Christian” tarot cards; fire tunnels; legs growing out (old parlor trick); glitter falling from the ceiling, feathers appearing, oil in Bibles – and all other such weirdness.
  • Women pastors. Women can teach other women and children, but they are not to take authority in the church in the area of a pastoral role. Women can be missionaries, but this is not akin to running a church. Women can write books and articles and witness – even street preach – but again, this is not the same role as that of a pastor.
  • Modern day “Apostles”. I believe that there are apostles in the sense of being a missionary – but not Apostles such as were named by our Lord.
  • “True Christians can be demon-possessed” – absolute heresy. Light cannot dwell with darkness.

I have come to realize that we are being continually saved and transformed by God’s power and grace. There is an initial salvation, but there is also a continual one – called sanctification. It is not always easy or fun and it often involves much suffering; but it is a necessary part of our discipleship because we are called to be holy, even as God Himself is holy. That means it is a lifelong chipping and molding of the Great Potter in our lives, constantly conforming us to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ, who is blessed forever and ever. Amen.

Holly Sands lives in South Carolina at the foothills of the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains with her loving husband, Shane, and idiot cat, Mister Bojangles. She works as a law office manager in a personal injury firm. She has been blessed to travel both nationally and internationally with her husband, sharing the glorious gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ.